We Remember Them... even when it hurts

Today is October 15th: National Pregnancy and Infant loss Awareness Day. We are invited to light a candle at 7pm in all time zones, all over the world. By keeping our candles lit for one hour, we will be participating in a worldwide “Wave of Light” in observation of this special day.

Can you imagine what that would look like from Heaven? Though the Bible does not make it clear if our loved ones can see us or not, my mind and heart can’t help but imagine... What would all those flames look like from heaven? Would they look like all the stars in space? Would they sparkle? Would they glow? Would my babies know right where my candles were shining from?

We light candles today to remember them and all the babies gone too soon. We remember their lives and the impact they will forever leave in our hearts and to those around us. We remember them today and always. 

Each year my family and I attend The Remembrance of Life Service hosted by Methodist Hospital in Omaha, NE. Each year we tearfully recite this poem:

“In the rising of the sun and in its going down,

we remember them.

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,

we remember them.

In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring,

we remember them.

In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer,

we remember them.

In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn,

we remember them.

In the beginning of the year and when it ends,

we remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength, 

we remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart, 

we remember them.

When we have joys we yearn to share,

we remember them.

So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are now 

a part of us, as we remember them.”

- Sylvan Kamens & Rabbi Jack Riemer

It is hard to remember. It stings my heart so bad today, as I am reminded I am physically without my four precious babies. Sometimes, I can’t help but hate that this is how I “live” with them... by honoring them at balloon releases, walks, 5k’s, and lighting candles. Sometimes I can’t help but cry out to the Lord because, I would give anything to be able to just see their precious faces and hold them and kiss them, even if only for one minute. Sometimes, I can’t help but think, “it’s not fair.” Sometimes, it hurts so bad, I can do nothing else but sit and cry. 

As tears stream down my face one by one, I am reminded, while I do not understand why I am not able to have our babies here, I do know two things for sure: 

1.} They are in the most glorious place imaginable, safe and sound in Jesus’ arms. (Matthew 18:3,10 NLT, Luke 18:15-16 NLT) 

2.} This life is temporary and one day I will be with them again, only this time for all eternity. (2 Corinthians 4:18,51 NLT, John 3:16 NLT) 

So while it hurts real bad for now, I can hold onto the hope and promise that I have in Jesus, as I am reassured what awaits in heaven:

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever. (Revelation 21:4 NLT)

As I light my candles tonight, I choose to smile. I choose to smile because of the hope I carry in my heart. I choose to smile because I love my babies so incredibly much, and love conquers all... even if it stings. (1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT)

Today, I invite you to light a candle in honor of your baby(ies) and all the other babies no longer here with us on this earth. I invite you to remember them, even if it hurts.